


Condensation

by silversteel



Category: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: "nonhuman" aside from the fact theyre fuckin AIs, A lot of introspection, ADHD Benrey (Half-Life), ADHD Tommy Coolatta, Autistic Benrey (Half-Life), Body Horror, Gen, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, Introspection, M/M, Meta, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Nonhuman Benrey (Half-Life), Nonhuman Tommy Coolatta, POV Alternating, Unreliable Narrator, it can be read as both romo and not for now, its not as serious as it sounds, unreality, whats friendship without little homoeroticism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24954052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversteel/pseuds/silversteel
Summary: a collection of epic gamer moments(not really)(sort of)[ A collection of drabbles from varying POVs, focusing on the characters' experiences. A bit of an emphasis on introspection and experiencing life. It's hard to explain, but so is HLVRAI. ]
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & Sunkist, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 47
Kudos: 175





	1. imprint

**Author's Note:**

> gonna update every 2 days i think until all of my current bits are up

Tommy leaned back on his hands and looked up at the sky. There were pebbles throughout the old asphalt, and he idly wiggled his hands, feeling them dig into his flesh. The sky above him was slowly turning red as the sun set, the clouds nothing but pink and orange wisps. After a few moments he leaned forward and brought his hands up, brushing the dirt and minuscule bits of rock off of them. He stared at the imprints left in his hands for a moment, white dents deep in the meat of his palms that slowly turned red, getting lighter as they moved away from where he rested most of his weight.

He looked for just a moment, loosened his tie a bit more, and then put his hands back behind him, shuffling them a bit until the marks fit right back against the pebbles that put them there in the first place.

The sun slipped behind the horizon.


	2. spaced out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thinking is weird. emotions are weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i lied im gonna go ahead and post this one too rq

There was a thunk as Benrey rested his head against the cinder block wall.

Clack thunk.

He moved his head a little, just rocking it back and forth using the curve of his helmet. His helmet was wavering between being a nice little cradle for his head and a major fucking annoyance with how it dug into his cheek. It felt like his skull was full of blood, sloshing around with every movement and making it hard to think straight.

Haha.

He lifted his head off of the wall and shook it violently, wondering a bit at the sensation of his brain moving inside of his head at the force.

Gordon was saying something in the distance to Bubby, gesturing wildly. No doubt losing it over something simple and stupid.

Stupid. 

Benrey felt his nose burn. He licked his upper lip to test for blood, too lazy to lift his hand.

Nothing.

Why was his nose burning, then? He thought he was in godmode. Did he not turn it on?

The back of his eyes started to hurt as well, the same burning pain.

Hm.

A beat. He shrugged it off. Whatever.

Must be some glitch.


	3. see-through

What does he look like?

Benrey squints at Gordon, stare hard enough to make Gordon fidget. Benrey just continues trying to activate x-ray vision to see through the other's forehead.

Does he look like this? Or something else?

Gordon finally sighs over-dramatically and looks at him.

"What? What is it Benrey?? What do you want??"

He blanks for a moment. Gives a smarmy, shit-eating grin. "i want a lotta things, Feetman."

Which is true— Benrey _does_ want a lot of things. A lot. But his heart really isn't in it right now. His brain's being poked over and over, thoughts sticking in his head like those weird little burs that get stuck to your shoelaces in summer. 

Benrey's never seen or felt them before.

Gordon makes some mournful, irritating sound.

"You are just— Why am I talking to you? Why do I do this? What's the point??"

Benrey rolls his eyes at Feetman, but it's whatever, at least now he's paying attention again. He resumes staring a hole into Gordon's head.

"what'd'you look like?"

Gordon sighs this deep sigh that's probably supposed to be full of meaningful sounds, but just seems whiny to Benrey.

"You're literally burning a hole in my head, why the fuck are you asking me what I look like?"

Benrey mimics the sigh that Gordon just did, but louder and even more obnoxious. He's satisfied to see that the stupid baby thinks it's just as annoying as Benrey does, now that it's been turned back on him.

"no, but like....."

He knows now he's not gonna get an answer, and that makes him twist up and burn, but he still _has_ to ask. He wants to _know_. He shoves his hands deeper into his pockets and hunches forward, looking at Gordon more intently, making direct eye contact. 

"What do you look like?"

Benrey doesn't know why Gordon picks up what Benrey's putting down this time around, but it might just be that there's only so many things he could mean. Just took a second for this brain to scrabble and find the right one. Woohoo. Congratulations. But Benrey can tell this time. He knows.

He waits to see if Gordon breaks the eye contact.

He kinda hopes he does. 

He doesn't.

Of course.

The player looks him right in the eye and says, "I don't know what you're on about, dude. I'm right in front of you. Do you need to get your eyes checked?"

Benrey breathes. Snorts. Breaks eye contact.

He feels weird.

"says the loser baby with glasses. dumb idiot's eyes don't work at all. need little baby helper devices just to see good. training wheels for your eyes." 

Gordon makes some strangled ostrich noise and starts gesturing rapidly, saying something about how Benrey wasn't even clever, that that was stupid, blah blah blah.

Benrey just shifted his weight to his heels and tapped his feet against the ground, hands still deep inside of his pockets. Something inside of his (non)-existent chest moves. Metaphorically.

Ugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love not proofreading anything ever  
> also i think this one's my favorite so far, just because of that One Line. im easily impressed by myself sometimes
> 
> thanks for reading!! comments are greatly appreciated!


	4. hook and loop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really really shouldnt upload at 2 am if i want people to actually see this and comment. guh.

Tommy leaned over a bit and curled a finger into the arm hole of Benrey's bulletproof vest, tugging at the material.

  
  


Benrey didn't say anything, just shifted away and pressed a hand to his chest in faux offense like some scandalized maiden. Neither of them were in particularly chatty moods, so they were just silently hanging out together, two bros chillin’. He didn’t usually try too hard to think, but sometimes when they hung out like this, it was easier to not-think. And sometimes he got real tired of thinking. Maybe someday he wouldn't.

Well. He didn’t really know what to think about  _ that, _ so he didn’t.

Easy-peasy.

Tommy reached out again, this time aiming directly at the velcro straps of the vest. Benrey just watched, unmoving, as the hand approached. There's no real easy way to undo velcro straps of this size without jerking it around like crazy, and Tommy wasn't going to do that, so there was just a sort of semi-awkward silence as Tommy wiggled the strap back and forth trying to loosen it.

  
  


After about thirty seconds of this, Benrey pushed Tommy's hand away and took the vest off himself. 

  
  


He stared at the vest for a beat, feeling weirdly naked without it, before shrugging and handing it over to Tommy so that the other man could fiddle with the velcro to his heart's content.

  
  


Well.

  
  


That was a Benrey Nice Moment marked off for the week.


	5. just moves bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> glitching happens to everyone sometimes don't worry about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Body Horror, graphic descriptions of gore? Sorry I can't tell if it counts

There are no real sounds when Benrey _moves—_

  
  


shifts

  
  


body contorting unnaturally into strange shapes— 

  
  


_too much, that's not how things worked—_

  
  


thinking about the meat. 

  
  


No cracks or crunches or anything like that. No squelches.

  
  


They've got a lot of meat right now, moving around, one of his arms almost inflates, then flattens until it's almost ribbon-like. They watch their hands and how the flesh can just crawl away from their fingertips like they're a wax figure melting at 3x speed, revealing bone.

  
  


Every time he blinks— one eye at a time?— the bone shifts colors. Red living bone to yellow to white, super white almost grey, pink? and? black—? back again.

  
  


He tries to think about the fact he's flesh and bone and _not_ because this is a game this isn't real he was clipping through walls five— twenty? minutes ago. time is fake. how is he both. how is he both? this shit doesnt make any sense. man. shit. fuck. hes not fuckin real how is he even comprehending this. how does he know this he’s just bits of code how is he even thinking? 

  
  


is this what it means to be self aware?

  
  


He struggles for a minute, trying to process everything.

settle down settle down settle down settle down shut it _down_.

  
  


He stops p

starts

what?

  
  
  



	6. coat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so what if tommy made himself a best friend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! SECOND CHAPTER OF THE DAY !!
> 
> Posting this one for those of y'all who don't fuck with body horror shit. Have some Sunkist. Because your epic.

Tommy buries his face into the fur on Sunkist's chest, a weak attempt at blocking out the world around him. His head's been filled with cotton all day, and it's been wearing down on him. Everything feels difficult today. He sighs and threads his fingers through Sunkist's fur. It's soft, of course, his fur is like the softest thing ever because Sunkist is the  _ best _ _𝘥𝘰𝘨 ever_ , and Sunkist makes a wuffing noise in response. Sunkist can always tell when Tommy needs a hug.. 

  
  


And the way that Sunkist's massive paws flop down over his shoulders— similar to how all dogs' paws flop forward when they're lying on their backs, but different— is definitely a hug. Or, well, as close to a hug as Sunkist can get. But that's pretty close, because he's the best dog ever, and it's a given that the best dog ever should be able to give hugs. It's pretty wild how something as simple as the weight of it and the feeling of Sunkist's fur can go a long way to keeping Tommy afloat sometimes.  


  
  


He's comforting Tommy, and it's nice.

  
  


Tommy just breathes for a minute. Calm and secure and safe. And warm. It feels so good to be warm.

  
  


What a good boy.


	7. it's not gay if the fingertips don't touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pre-marital hand holding is a sin  
> good news is, that probably doesn't apply to them

  
"H-hey Mr. Benrey? Can I hold your hand?"

Benry blinked, then turned to look directly at Tommy. The other man's voice was... no different than usual, same with his eye contact, though he was staring at a spot on Benry's vest pretty intently. Maximum focus. 

"...why?"

Tommy's eyes darted around a bit before resettling back on Benry's vest. He shrugged. "Holding hands is nice sometimes. It's a little hug for your hand!" 

Benry can't remember ever holding hands with someone. Not really. Maybe it was a coding thing. Meh, whatever.

"whatever."

Tommy smiled brightly, his hand diving towards Benry's, and Benry was a little surprised at the fact he almost flinched away and tugged his hand away. He didn't though, and his right hand was clasped by both of Tommy's. Tommy only held it with both hands for just a moment though, and quickly moved to just using the one. 

Benry stared at their hands. 

Tommy’s hand felt different from his. Obviously. His fingers were longer, and the skin of his palm was strangely smooth. Like. Really smooth. And it wasn’t as warm as Benrey thought it would be. Which made sense, because people’s personalities don’t affect shit like hand warmth, but it was still weird. Tommy just seemed like he should be warm. He was…. Sunny. Bright. Even though he had bad taste. He should be warm.

He was shaken out of his thoughts by Tommy swinging their hands a little, looking straight ahead and talking about beyblades. He glanced over at Benrey once, and after seeing him staring at him, seemed to kick himself into higher gear, talking even more enthusiastically about the naming conventions of bit-beasts.

Hm.

Benry didn't really care about beyblades, but listening to Tommy talk about them so excitedly was... fine.

He resisted the urge to wiggle his fingers. Tommy briefly squeezed his hand.

This was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually owned a few beyblades but dont remember shit. dont @ me
> 
> rememebr to like comment and susbcribe and hit the notification bell thanks for watching my video--


	8. stimulus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god its been like 6 days since i updated. yall r dope for all the kudos n shit though god bless.

Benry shifted positions, idly wiggling his feet a little. He was laying in a chair upside-down, legs resting on the top of it and his head hanging off of the seat. He could slowly feel his helmet slowly starting to loosen and begin sliding off, gravity pulling on it just like it was pulling his blood to his head. Hearts were pretty funky. 

He tried paying attention to whatever conversation was going on in front of him, but he was distracted by the fact his skin felt almost _ tight. _ No, not tight. Fuck. It made him want to move. wiggle. wriggle. pull and scratch and tear and shake himself free and loose. He didn't want to move. Didn't feel like it. But he found himself kicking the wall behind the chair. The conversation kept going and he could hear it clearly but nothing was really registering. He didn't want to take his helmet off, wasn't a good deal, but he had this urge to just  _ chuck _ it. maybe pull his hair a little. Take a nice little fistful and tug. Nice? The conversation changed, shifted, and then Gordon was crouched down in front of the chair. His eyebrows were definitely raised but Benrey was upside down so they weren't for him, really. Gordon went to say something but stopped for some reason. He just looked... dumb. A dumb look on his face. 

Benry wondered why his stupid expressions made him feel this way. It was one thing to think Gordon was hot, which he did, which was extremely annoying, but this?

His throat and chest ached with the urge to sing, of all things, sitting locked up in his throat, almost painfully. All the blood in his head was only partially from being upside down.

_ motherfuck _

all Feetman did was cause him problems

Benry realized that at some point he'd moved his hands to his helmet and it was half off. He didn't move, didn't take it off or put it back on, just stayed how he was. His feet kept moving though. He felt like the bones in his legs were going to start vibrating. Gordon was still looking at him with that dumb expression. It was irritating.

  
  


"what?"

  
  


At Benry’s hostile tone, Gordon’s expression shifted and he rolled his eyes. But for some reason it wasn’t quite right. Lackluster.

“Nothing. Whatever, Benrey. Stop goofing off, we’ve got places to be.”

  
  


Benry thought for a second. 

“nah.”

  
  


It was kinda funny how Gordon could still laugh when he was angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is me rattling a little tin can around asking for spare comments. what can i say, theyre my favorite Number Go Up and i like talking to ppl about my ideas


	9. glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well that's not normal, is it?

Gordon watches Tommy out of the corner of his eye. Shadows flicker over all of their faces as they walk, which is honestly mildly disorienting and annoying. But what Gordon's really focused on is how... when a shadow falls over Tommy's eyes... the light—

"Mr. Freeman?"

Gordon blinks and shakes his head a little, now making direct eye contact with the older man.

"Yeah Tommy? What's up?"

"You.. keep looking over here."

Gordon laughs a little; it's a very short and awkward laugh. "Just— just keeping an eye out. Lookin' around to make sure no one's gonna sneak up on us."

"Oh. Okay! Good job Mr. Freeman."

"Hah, yeah! It's nothing Tommy."

What _ wasn't _ nothing was how Tommy's eyes... glow— not reflecting light, no, his irises are _legit emitting it_ _. _ It's faint, not incredibly noticeable, but now that Gordon's seen it he can't _unsee_ it. He glances around to see if any of others' eyes glow as well. 

No dice.  


Tommy blinks, the burnt-gold lights disappearing and then reappearing, and he tilts his head.  


Gordon thinks if he squinted, he could probably make out the minuscule shadows Tommy's eyelashes are casting on his cheekbones. He kind of wants to.  


He doesn't.

"...Nothing at all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short but i love this shit bro
> 
> comments in my mouth please


	10. tommy on da roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Druid & UFO - "Temporal Rift" - 4:19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of the last chapters i have already written oopsie doodles  
> sorry its short but it just be like that

Tommy was careful as he stepped out onto the roof, the shingles rough against his feet even as the heat trapped in them from the sun thawed his freezing toes.

The roof wasn't exactly comfortable, but laying down and letting the warmth seep into him was nice.

Tommy grabbed his makeshift pillow, a stray beach towel that was bright red and yellow and decorated with crabs, and rolled it up, twisting it until it was a comfortable shape. He plunked his head down on it and closed his eyes, sighing a little. His headphones made it a bit weird, a bit too awkward to get  _ really  _ comfortable, but that was alright. 

He just laid there in the warmth, bright light of the sun blinding even through his closed eyelids, blasting Bonkers 3, Sharkey's mix, and dragging the pads of his fingers in circles on the shingles over and over and over again until it felt like he didn't have fingerprints anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonkers..... is iconic for a reason
> 
> like rate and subscribe for more videosss


	11. red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isss not one of my favorite chapters, but i thought i should send it first. mostly bc i wanted to do an inside joke with myself and the title order.

Benrey’s head throbs violently, feeling as if someone clamped a fucking vice around it—  _ squeezing.  _ They feel themself start to shatter— jagged edges, sharp spikes, and then it’s fluttering— writhing, and their arm inflates and they accidentally slam it into the ground, sending gallons of liquid soaring into the air, just narrowly missing the  _ Science Team  _ and isn’t it kinda funny how calm he is? And how everything hurts and doesn’t at the same time.

  
  


Probably ‘cause he’s busted to high hell.

  
  


Just thinking about it makes them feel like their code is twitching, makes it feel like the lines are almost alive in their head. Wiggling around.

  
  


He’s laughing, coughing, laughing, and it feels like he’s bleeding out.

  
  


But it doesn’t hurt at all.

  
  


This is the end of the game (isn’t it?) and he’s so fucking  **_mad._ ** Because he knows what’s up. He knows what happens next (doesn’t he?) of course he does, it’s a fucking video game, it’s not exactly complicated. But it is? Is. Complicated?

  
  


Benrey’s form shakes, jittering wildly, and they start clipping through things. The sensation just annoys them _ —  _ when was the last time he screamed? Ever? He’s really not one for screaming. Never felt the need. How long counts as “never?”   
  


They’re firing at Benrey, and have been for a while. Running around, blowing up passports, man, they even blew up Mokujin. Everything was so fucked. His eye spasms, twitching, and that almost bothers him more than the gunfire does.

  
  


It’s so so hard to think at all.

  
  


When they thought about not thinking— oh, right, before— this wasn’t what they meant. And wasn’t that a while ago. How long had it beeN?

  
  


It feels like the weight of the fucking world is pressing down on their skull. A single point of supermassive pressure. Somehow it was worse than the bullets and his eye just going AWOL. And the bullets  _ really  _ sucked.

  
  


Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration.

  
  


Benrey can’t remember the last time they legit felt pain.

  
  


It be like that someti—

  
  


—...Did Bubby just go flying past them?   
  
  
Yup. Whirling past. huh. ow.

  
  


They want to laugh. Or yell. Or whatever.

  
  


They can feel the end approaching. It sucks.

  
  


Thinking that makes him settle a bit somehow. He’s barely even paying attention to what he’s saying— stuff’s just pouring out of his mouth— is it even words, actually?— his coding is so so so fucked— and then there’s pain— and it all stops.  _ the evil has been defeateeed _

  
  


And then, at some point, they wake up.

  
  


_ huh? _   
  


  
“hnugh?”   
  


  
_ what? _   
  


  
“what?”

  
  


_ Oh. _

  
  


Breathing does nothing but make the jointed segments of his ribs flex. Expanding and contracting over nothing, for no reason. Empty. He aches to make skin stretch across his bones, but he’s barely got any energy. But his head feels… different. Not as scrambled.

  
  


Benry would probably blink blearily up at Tommy’s out-stretched hand in confusion if he had eyes or eyelids right now, but he doesn’t. So he doesn’t. He doesn’t know how he can even see Tommy right now, but the void be like that.

  
  


He just stares for a moment. 

  
  


Tommy looks… strangely determined. No, not  _ really _ strangely. But. The way his bright eyes stare intently at Benry makes him feel… pinned. But not in a bad way. Not at all. 

  
  


“Come on Benrey, it’s time to go.”

  
  


And so he takes Tommy’s hand.

  
  


And Tommy hauls him up to his feet, weightless, his eyes glinting. Luminous in the dark.

  
  


They stand/float there; still.

  
  


Benrey opens their mouth. Shuts it. The sound of their teeth clacking gets absorbed by the blankness around them. 

  
  


“...got over the, uh, whole murder thing pretty quick there, huh tommy?”

  
  


Tommy’s smile is small, but pointed. He glances around the darkness surrounding them, then goes back to holding Benrey in place with his stare. “I... might be mad at you later, maybe. But I, uh, ...I kind of get it. Besides,” he grins at Benrey, and it’s as bright as the golden light pouring out from his eyes.

  
  


“You didn’t think you were going to miss my birthday party, did you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does the macarena   
> llike comment suscrib 
> 
> i have one...? more pre-written after this and then i think im gonna do some stuff from drabble prompt lists


	12. clot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> congeal and dry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh whoopsie no update-y for a bit. hlvrai's stranglehold wavers and varies. im in a lull god bless

Tommy sits off to the side of the rest of the group. They'd gotten into another fight, unsurprisingly, and Tommy had gotten  _ drenched _ in blood. His hair was matted with it, and the top half of his nice white lab coat was starting to turn brown. Having decided enough was enough for now, they decided to move back a room and take a break. Now they were just relaxing and recovering for a few minutes.

  
  


The blood has started to congeal, and it tugs at his skin strangely.

  
  


Blearily, he reaches up and drags a few of his fingers down his face.

  
  


Several small clots begin leaking again as he does so, reminding him distantly of mini punctured egg yolks. Tommy holds his hand up and examines the blood coating his fingertips, pinching them together, idly testing the tackiness. He figures that if it were a normal day, the sight of the rusty red coating his hands would starkly contrast against the pristine white and grey backdrop of the lab's walls, but now? Not so much. There was a good amount splattered against the wall he was facing, ruining the illusion of cleanliness. There goes any profound metaphor that could've been scrounged up.

  
  


There's a clatter from the direction of the rest of the group, and he looks over just in time to see the chair that Dr. Freeman was sitting in topple over with him in it, Dr. Bubby and Benrey snickering, clearly responsible. Dr. Freeman flails, arm waving, and then latches onto Benrey's ankle. Tommy watches as Benrey's eyes widen from their usual lidded state before he's bodily pulled off of the barrel, helmet clanging loudly as he bonks his head on the way down.

  
  


The two of them immediately begin to wrestle, acting like complete children (though really it's mostly Mr. Freeman flailing inefficiently), and Dr. Bubby moves to sit closer to Dr. Coomer, rolling his eyes. Dr. Coomer slaps the other man on the back enthusiastically, causing Dr. Bubby to wince and start snarling at the jovial man. There's a yelp from the duo still squirming around on the dirty linoleum as Benrey bites Mr. Freeman's hand.

  
  


Tommy smiles, and the dried blood tugging strangely at his face turns painful.


End file.
